Long distance
Overrated Relationship Advice That Does Not Fit Long Distance Couples
The most overrated advice for long distance couples is the kind written for people who share a kitchen: talk every single night, never go to bed angry, and keep everything spontaneous. Apart, those rules can turn love into a schedule you both quietly dread. Keep the intention behind each one, then adjust the method. Agree on a rhythm you can sustain, pause hard conversations until you are both rested, and plan the fun on purpose.
When you want a call that is about enjoying each other rather than checking in, Lovla turns a personal photo into a coloring page you can color together.
Why good advice can land badly when you live apart
Most relationship advice assumes small, constant contact. You see each other's mood at breakfast, notice a tired face, and repair little misunderstandings without naming them. Distance removes that background layer, so every rule you borrow has to do more work.
That is why a tip that sounds wise can produce guilt instead of closeness. The goal is not to reject advice. It is to ask what problem the advice was solving, then find a version that fits your time zones, your budgets and your energy.
Overrated: you should talk every day
Daily contact is lovely when it is wanted. It becomes a burden when one person is finishing a night shift and the other is waiting by the phone. A forced call often turns into a list of updates, which can leave both people feeling further apart.
Better: agree on a reliable rhythm. That might be a short voice note on weekdays and a longer unhurried call twice a week. Predictability matters more than frequency. Revisit the rhythm when work, school or travel changes, rather than letting resentment build.
Overrated: never go to bed angry
With an ocean between you, bedtime might be lunchtime for your partner. Pushing to resolve a tense conversation at one in the morning usually produces sharper words, not understanding.
Better: never go to bed feeling abandoned. Say something like, I am still upset, I love you, and I want to finish this tomorrow at eight your time. Naming a specific time to return is what makes the pause feel safe.
Overrated: keep things spontaneous
Spontaneity works when you can grab a coat and walk to dinner. Apart, waiting for magic to happen often means nothing happens at all, and the relationship slides into logistics.
Better: plan the frame, keep the middle loose. Book a two hour window, choose a light theme such as a movie you both rewatch or a photo you both love, and let the conversation wander from there. Planning is not unromantic. It is how you protect time together.
More advice worth adjusting
A few other common lines deserve a second look. Use the table as a conversation starter rather than a rulebook.
| Common advice | Why it can backfire apart | A kinder version |
|---|---|---|
| Share everything | Constant reporting can feel like surveillance | Share what matters, and ask what your partner wants to hear about |
| Do not need reassurance | Distance naturally creates more uncertainty | Ask for reassurance plainly, and offer it without being asked |
| Grand gestures prove love | Expensive surprises strain travel budgets | Small, regular signs of attention add up over months |
| Have a fixed end date or quit | Visas, jobs and families rarely run on schedule | Agree on a direction and review it together every few months |
Write your own two house rules
On your next relaxed call, each write two rules you want for your relationship, in your own words. Compare them and keep the ones you both say yes to. They might be as simple as no serious topics after eleven, or one call a week where nobody talks about logistics.
If you want that call to have a gentle activity, pick a photo from your last visit and color it together in Lovla. It gives your hands something to do while the real conversation happens, and the finished page stays in your shared journal.
Make a little more time for us.
When you want a call that is about enjoying each other rather than checking in, Lovla turns a personal photo into a coloring page you can color together.
Written by The Lovla Team. Find current product and access details on Lovla’s App Store page.